I am crazy.

Crazy because I find myself doing things for a woman who sees me as something less than what I want her too.

Why else would I be helping her move into a house with a dude that I feel is so less beneath me in class and dignity? Why else would I be helping her maintain her relationship with someone that I feel is less than worthy of her love.

I’m crazy.

There is no other way to classify it than that because anything else doesn’t make any sense.

I mean I have my own life. I have another ex-girlfriend who can’t stand me talking to another ex-girlfriend because she wants me to herself. Did I mention that ex-girlfriend has a husband who doesn’t give her half of the things that I used to give her in the romance department but gives her everything that I never could give her when it came money and responsibility.

Same with the current ex-girlfriend.

You see I’m a struggling artist who has the passion that burns hotter than a thousand suns but she had two children that need a daddy rather than a dreamer. Of course I could have never dreamed that she would have been settling with someone who was still married with six kids of his own.

However she still calls me for advice on how to make the relationship work. She still calls me whenever she wants the good dick that she missed so long ago.

So I still look out for her whenever she asks for favors because I care for her that much.

It’s weird because the current boyfriend does not know about our closeness and wants to hang out with me because he used me as a convenient lie to his current wife so she won’t leave with his kids. He says he loves them.

However something happened along the way while I was trying to sleep with his girlfriend.

I fell in love with her.

Now I’m left trying not to look at her directly in her face with she talks because she can see the pain the whole experience has taken. I try not to tell her about the way I am feeling because she’s moving in with her “soul mate” and she wants to make her life with him work.

So I try to suppress the feelings I have for her and look to other pussy to take my mind off things.

However it hasn’t worked as well as I hoped and I have relapsed on occasion. I have turned into a punk-ass shedding tears for someone who has clearly moved on to other facets of her life.

“You don’t know what you mean to me.” She tells me.

I want to tell her the same but I know that she loves him more. (Of course cheating on him with me would say otherwise)

“I’m never going to let you go.” She exclaims.

I feel the same but I can’t look at her without feeling like I’m lying. (Of course sleeping with the girlfriend of someone who doesn’t know I am would say otherwise)

Other men would love this position. They get sex on the side and no one would know the difference. However I realize that secrets rarely stay buried for long and it is only a matter of time before someone realizes what is going to happen.

It’s a great acting job but I don’t have the acting chops to continue.

I’m crazy … and I need to fine the cure as quick as possible or its going to get ugly.